She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
