i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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