is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
