I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
