i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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