trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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