i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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