You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
