Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
