Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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