you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
