aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
