Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
