i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
