Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she smelled like a LAN party
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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