i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
