I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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