I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
