People in love make me want to vomit
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
