You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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