Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
