I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
