I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
