brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
