Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
