theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
