I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
