he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
