i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
