I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
