god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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