I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
