We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
