well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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