if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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