I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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