You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
