Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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