Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
