im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
