So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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