shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
