I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
