Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
