I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
