The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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