drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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