I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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