Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
