drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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