you win again, gameday.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
