so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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