Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
