Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
