dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
